my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
