At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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