You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize