why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
BRING THE BAGELS
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
