dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
