wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
