mondays should just be called national damage control day
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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