the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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