My underwear smells like fireworks.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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