I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
