worst night to have a conscience
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
