do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
