i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
