i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
it glows. i had to have it.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
