you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
