you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
