guys are not supposed to queef...right?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
