did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
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Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
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I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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