By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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