Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
