The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
