I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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