It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
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i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
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Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...