You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning