If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
