The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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