i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?