yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
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I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
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I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet