I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
