At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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