dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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