First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Come on in and take your pants off
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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