Soap is not a condiment
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
