tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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