it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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