Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
