READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
