the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
