I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
