creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
