I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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