I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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