allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
