Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize