Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bit a glass in half.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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