this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
