i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
We got so high we made milksteak
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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