she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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