I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
