Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
