You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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