I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
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I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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