What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
