She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
