In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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