My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
