Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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