dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
