i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
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Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
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if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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