Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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