This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
