Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
