Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
