You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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