I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
