Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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