By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i think i have two assholes
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
