His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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