Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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