HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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