Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
