weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
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U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
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Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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