Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
