I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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